Dear Jack:
Hey, kid, it's me, Mel! I'm shopping for a roommate and I think you are a good candidate. I'm a big, lanky guy too. Looks like you outweigh me by about 4 pounds. I'm looking for a pal to share my big, fenced-in yard with. I don't like being out there by myself. We already had our home visit and were approved.
So, you are a counter surfer too, eh? Forget the bread, Jack. I have a silent method for making pizza disappear!! When can I meet you?